another moral hangover. fuck.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
