I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
