Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
