it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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