I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
