Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
