Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
