Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
