small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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