got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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