dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
