My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
