I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize