somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
