it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I need to sanitize my soul.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
dude. I can hear the air.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
