You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
