Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We are all done wearing pants today
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
