I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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