she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
