When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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