My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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