it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
