My cat gives me a boner
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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