I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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