you guys were way drunker than both of me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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