there's paper in my vomit.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
