We're like a lot better than the average bears
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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