Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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