My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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