This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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