I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the condom got lost in my hair
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
