Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
