It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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