We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
