I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
