I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
this is an emotional support booty call
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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