why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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