we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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