i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Pants are for mortals
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
