remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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