i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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