No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
