Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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