Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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