so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
