So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
