It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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