dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
