I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
