If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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